Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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