How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
