She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My feet surprised me
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