I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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