i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
