just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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