Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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