We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
