last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
