There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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