he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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