Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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