creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
