You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't want my vagina anymore.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
