saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
