I think im going to throw up on grandma
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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