maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
