Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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