he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please don't give away my fajitas
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
