im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
