I'm going to jail i love you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
