I wish I could teleport
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
