he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
