i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
