This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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