every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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