Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
