if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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