dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
