oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
