and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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