i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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