The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
