Only a mothe r could love this liver
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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