The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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