are you still at the devil's house?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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