Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
