I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
