I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
