I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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