We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
