I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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