i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
