i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
