I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
