I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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