I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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