You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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