I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
