I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
