Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
