some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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