omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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