Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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