ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
