My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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