I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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