I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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