Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
