I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
