Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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