Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
