Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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