Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
