You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
