he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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