I just cut my nipple shaving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
