is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
