I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i think my cat just said my name.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
