Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
