apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
