you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
