dude i'm inner monologue high
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
How many fucks given?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.