Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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