remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.