This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
