I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver