Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
