Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.

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(678): I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour. http://tfl.nu/s8k7

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.

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(253): I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you. http://tfl.nu/clvu

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(905): View more from Toronto

No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags

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(905): No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags http://tfl.nu/jbrv

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(971): View more from Oregon

this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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(971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

she sounds like chewbacca in bed

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(978): she sounds like chewbacca in bed http://tfl.nu/5g24

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(816): View more from Missouri

You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

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(816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"

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(603): got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes" http://tfl.nu/m7wu

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(916): View more from California

It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.

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(916): It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her. http://tfl.nu/zc22

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(336): View more from North Carolina

okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.

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(336): okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style. http://tfl.nu/uhtz

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(425): View more from Washington

This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?

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(425): This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/qkoi

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(818): View more from California

She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

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(818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50

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(516): View more from New York

its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.

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(516): its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/1ovr

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(845): View more from New York

Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.

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(845): Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me. http://tfl.nu/ykh5

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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(870): Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic. http://tfl.nu/y3t4

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(631): View more from New York

Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.

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(631): Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/mm7p

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