You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.