How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...