the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
