This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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