He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
