dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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