I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
