I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
